Service Submission Series: Domestic Servant's Toolkit

Just as every good mechanic, plumber, or computer tech has their toolkit, so too should every domestic service submissive have a toolkit.  Listed below are a few go to items that I like to always have on hand to tackle certain tasks or jobs.  

You may not have an interest in certain areas of domestic servitude, which is completely understandable, and fortunately, domestic service is not a one size fits all.  Feel free to take what most appeals to you from the following list, and adjust as suits you.

Home Repair

Crazy Glue - I can not say enough about this quick setting adhesive compound.  Best used fresh, and sparingly, this little gem is perfect for small repairs of items that will not be used near food.

Gorilla glue - For larger home repairs of items such as wood moulding, tiling, baseboards, and doors - sand and paint once dry.

Basic ratchet and screwdriver set - From cupboards to shelving to doors, there is always something around the house that could use tightening or a quick install.  While you need not buy the top name brand, a mid-range brand, such as Milwaukee or Dewalt, would be handy to have.  Even a multi bit tool would serve you well - just ensure you purchase one that feels comfortable in your hand.

Hammer - Of course!

Repair putty/filler - For the odd nick or gouge in drywall or baseboards, quick setting, and very malleable.  Once completely dry, easily sanded and painted, blending in with the surrounding structure seamlessly.

Cleaning

Twinkle - The gentlest and easiest silverware cleanser.  Use a soft sponge to wipe on, rinse, then dry with a microfibre cloth.  No force or excessive rubbing required.

Vinegar - The best and cheapest cleaning solvent there is.  Perfect for loosening caked on food remnants on the stovetop, in some dish ware, or in the oven, non-toxic, excellent for streak free mirror and glass cleaning.  Use with baking soda to create a natural sink drain cleanser.

Cleansing wipes - For large and small jobs, perfect for odd shaped surfaces, portable, and multi purpose.

SOS Pads - For dinner ware, cleaning a stainless steel sink, or anywhere you need a little abrasive help.

Rags - For all cleaning purposes.  Ideally, they wouldn't have lint and be super absorbent, but you can't always be too picky.

Old tooth brushes - When a tooth brush is no longer viable to use on your teeth, it can get a second life as a cleaning tool.

Body Care

An assortment of lotions - For massage, for softening rough skin, for soothing after play.  Ensure to have a selection of non-scented lotions on hand for those who might be sensitive

Hand towels - Always good to have a stack of plain absorbent hand towels at the ready.  Facecloths also work well!

Nail/cuticle clippers - For troublesome hang nails and rough skin - use after soaking the hands or feet, and use a shallow snipping motion.

Personal Care

Linen spray or powder - When turning down the bed, or after having changed the sheets - it is a special added touch.  Again, caution is best exercised if you are attending someone who has a scent sensitivity.

An iron - A solidly crafted iron can be a great asset to any domestic toolkit.  As well as creating perfect creases in clothing, irons can give crisp edges to napkins, tablecloths, and another other places linens might be in use.

Shoe polish - Black, brown and clear will suit the majority of your needs.

Shoe polishing accessories - A soft brush, like a shaving soap bristle brush, as well as soft cloths.

Decor

Hot glue gun - To add a little bling to your centerpiece, and for fixes that your Crazy Glue just can't seem to fix, a mini glue gun is any aspiring home decorator’s best friend.

Service Submission Series: Service and the Single Submissive

It can be difficult or perhaps challenging for a domestic service submissive to gain experience or to practice skills if he or she is single or unowned.  Certainly, it is easy enough to practice certain skills that might be relevant in the personal or home environment - cleaning, ironing, cooking, household budget maintenance - but it is difficult to serve oneself.  It is also difficult to practice a scene to see if certain ideas or concepts play out as expected when one is a solitary submissive or servant.

So - what's the answer?

Well, there are a few options available.

First, and a personal favourite of mine, is freelancing.  This is the method of offering service to really anyone, on either side of the D/s slash, to gain experience, to practice skills, and to demonstrate skills in person.  My preferred approach is, while in my service outfit - which is highlighted by wearing white or black cotton gloves - to stand by, unobtrusively, with my serving tray, and wait until someone makes contact.  This can be a risky approach because there is the assumption that someone will be courageous enough to ask what you are offering.  I have employed this approach in a play party setting and I have had success.  

I have been approached by both Tops and bottoms - for some, they have a butler fetish, so the gloves are particularly tantalizing; in another case, I was approached by a bottom who was enquiring on behalf of her Dominant.  In a play party setting, it may be difficult to demonstrate all of your skills, or a particular skill, but you are able to demonstrate a willingness to attend to the needs of another, or the ability to follow direction in an efficient, humble and intelligent manner.  This demonstration could open doors or create possibilities later on.

There are a few bonuses or perks associated with freelance, such as variety of play.  So, after an hour or evening of service, if you have pleased the person you are serving, you may be asked if you might be interested in some power exchange play - after appropriate discussion and negotiation of course.  The perk to this being, if the person has much experience in an area of play you are particularly interested in, you get to indulge in a favourite style of play with someone who not only enjoys this style of play, but also someone who has expertise in the area.  This can be a huge bonus if you are having difficulty finding a partner who may have the same interests as you.  Another bonus being, the power exchange relationship only lasts for a fixed amount of time - perhaps for an evening or a weekend.  Perhaps after some time, you realize that you and the person you are serving are not a good fit, for whatever reason, not a problem, you are not committed to each other outside of current, negotiated exchange.

A second option available to the 'unemployed' domestic submissive is to offer service to a BDSM friend.  It may be in the form of attending a Top friend for the evening at an event, or assisting a bottom friend at home.  In both cases, it is a great opportunity to practice a certain skill set that you may not be able to practice alone or in your own home.  It is also a great opportunity to get honest feedback.  Perhaps it is your first time being a body servant, or perhaps you are attempting to fix a meal for the first time, a critique, be it negative or positive, always sounds better when given by a friend.  This is also a great time to try out new ideas to see if these imagined methodologies are feasible or practical.  You get real time experience without a scene or service opportunity possibly going south.

If you don't have a friend in the local BDSM community to practice with, perhaps you could advertise for a volunteer at a local BDSM gathering or on a BDSM oriented posting board.  Explain that it would be a practical run through opportunity and outline exactly what you wish to try.  As with rope and corporal play, you will find there will friendly folk who are willing to be a demo dolly for you - especially if you offer a hand or foot massage for your volunteer.  You again have someone who can provide feedback, as well as creating a real time environment where you can walk through your envisioned scenario.

Lastly, for certain skill sets, invite friends or family over - especially in the case of entertaining.  Perhaps you want to practice setting a formal place setting and serving a multi-course meal, invite over your family or friends for a meal.  You need not explain or go into details about the purpose of the meal, other than you enjoy entertaining, but it is an opportunity to hone your skills or keep your skills in good shape.  In the same vein, if you are particularly interested in cleaning and organizing, you can volunteer whenever a friend or acquaintance needs help with a project, or if they might be moving, or they could just really use someone to tackle the bathroom - as an example.

Even if you might be an unowned or unemployed or unpartnered domestic service submissive, this is not a hindrance to furthering your skills or polishing your current talents.  There are still possibilities available to you to gain experience or to keep your abilities sharp and in shape, it just might require a little creative brainstorming - but that's what we do best is it not?

Service Submission Series: A Body Service Tutorial

Personal grooming is perhaps the most intimate duty that can be performed between a service submissive and the Dominant he/she is serving.  It can be daunting for both the submissive and the Dominant, for many reasons, but with some forethought and planning, it can be a pleasurable and satisfying experience.  It is not the time for some play or trying for a cheap feel, but rather, it is the time to give another just pure pleasure.

Don't Fear, Just Ask

You can't go wrong with asking - does the Dominant prefer a shower or bath?  What temperature?  What is his/her normal routine?  Does he/she prefer to be scrubbed or gently rubbed?  Is he/she allergic or sensitive to any scents?  Does he/she have a favourite scent?  What is his/her stance on bubbles?  

Asking ahead of time can save not only time, but can also ensure the continuity of the fantasy.

Plan ahead

Just as you would start with all cooking ingredients prepared and ready to go, you should begin your grooming routine with all items on hand, ready to go.  Razors should be sharp or new/fresh, towels should be at the ready, shampoo/conditioner/soap/gel - at hand.  If a massage is part of the routine, the area should be prepared to make the transition from the bathroom to the massage area easy and smooth.  

The Bath

Now, before you create a special daydream in your head about your Dominant luxuriating in a mass of bubbles while you kneel attentively with a glass of wine at hand, realize, not everyone enjoys a bath, nor do they enjoy company when they bathe, and they may not choose to stay in the bath for very long.  A bath is the best choice when you are serving a Dominant you are new to, or with whom you do not have a sexual relationship with as you can remain clothed, perhaps even in your service uniform to make the event that much more elevated.

Starting at the head, as with a small child, wet the hair of your Dominant with a vessel, have him or her tip back his/her head to ensure water does not run into his/her eyes or ears.  Massage in an appropriate amount of shampoo, and having negotiated washing style ahead of time (gentle, or a good deep scrub etc.), begin to work the shampoo in.  Once cleaned, you have the option of shampooing again - for extra thick hair - or applying conditioner - keeping in mind not everyone uses conditioner.  Work the conditioner in the same way as the shampoo and leave for a few minutes - slick back the hair to ensure it keeps out of the eyes.  When ready to rinse, follow the same steps as with the shampoo.

For washing the body, it is best to follow the routine the Dominant uses.  Do they wash with gel, with soap, with a facecloth, a sponge, a scrub brush?  Beginning at the face, wash each body part, taking care to thoroughly soap and rinse each part.  Pay particular attention to the groin region - again, it is not an opportunity for some sort of physical gratification - for reasons of cleanliness.

Once done, assist the Dominant from rising from the tub, and begin to dry him or her off, using one towel for the hair and one or more towels for the body.

The Shower

Similar steps should be followed as with bathing, but in this case, of course, there is the question of being nude in the shower with the Dominant.  If this is not an issue for you or the Dominant, then proceed, keeping your task first and foremost in your mind.  Be sure to lay out towels for yourself before starting the shower, or you will find yourself wet and shivering after.

Shaving

There is nothing quite as clean as shaving someone with a straight razor; however, unless you have experience with such, it is not recommended that you just whip one out and go to town.  Also, contrary to fantasy, the only place a straight razor is suitable for is the face or head.  You need a hard surface to ensure a clean shave with a straight razor, and the groin area is just too soft.  It is a good idea if you are using disposable razors or razor heads or blades, to have a few on hand.  Blades can dull quite easily, and if you have an area of thick hair (like a back or groin) you may go through quite a few.

For facial shaves, if possible, warm the area with a hot/warm facecloth.  This will open the pores and soften the skin.  After a few restful moments, you will want to oil the skin or use a shaving lotion/cream.  Apply only as much as needed, and beginning from the top down, shave in the direction the hair grows.  Be sure to rinse the razor after every stroke, preferably in hot water.

If shaving the legs or body, it is best done in the tub, at the end of a bath, ensuring you rinse away any hair residue before the Dominant exits the tub.  Like with a facial shave, the razor should be drawn in the direction the hair grows.

With any sort of shave, the area that has been shaved should be gently patted dry after, and an appropriate moisturizer applied.

For areas such as the groin or armpits, it is best to shave the hair first with a small battery operated personal shaver first, before shaving with a razor.  This will cut down on time, effort and the possibility your razor might snag or slip.

Mani and Pedi

Once the Dominant has been bathed or showered, now is a great time to turn your attention to his/her hands and feet.  Since the skin should be softened and moist, it is a great time to look after any hard skin or callus - polish the rough spots with a pumice stone, wiping as you go.  Be sure to moisturize after.  If you notice that your Dominant has areas on the heels of particular note, you might want to treat him/her to a professional pedicure or a trip to the chiropodist, as the professionals have the equipment needed to attack that hard skin that might actually be rather painful as it builds and cracks.

Inspect the nails on the hands and feet - do they require just a trim?  Perhaps they just need to be lightly filed.  While nail clippers are good if you are in a pinch, a pair of cutters, similar to a small wire snippers, are best for handling both hangnails and cuticles.  Be sure to dry the hands or feet thoroughly and again, moisturize.

Some folks don't like their feet touched, so if you are attending a Dominant such as this, I don't recommend forcing the issue.  He/she knows best what he/she can tolerate and more than that, what he/she enjoys.

The Little Details

Try little niceties like a hot towel (really, a hot facecloth), or towels that have been warmed in the dryer.  Perhaps an eye mask, cut cucumber slices, or moistened tea bags would be appreciated over the eyes.  Once dry, perhaps the Dominant would appreciate some powder, or a scent, appropriately placed.

Unless you have the experience, I don't recommend taking a crack at applying makeup - the results could be less than ideal.  It might be something for you to learn in the future, but for now, stick to what is safe, but make it memorable.

With just a little care and attention, you can create an enticing experience from something very ordinary.  You might be very surprised at the level of intimacy achieved through something so mundane.

Service Submission Series: Unruly's Five Commandments of Service

If you have ever considered offering service as a form of submission, I suggest the following points for you to ponder. These ideas have served me well, no pun intended, and I hope they will do the same for you.

These guidelines are geared more to the unowned submissive, who can offer service to anyone, but the ideas can also apply to a power exchange/ownership relationship. Above all else, no matter what the situation, your offer of service does not nullify your hard limits, and should not override any agreements of consensuality.

1. Learn one primary, applicable skill, that you can use in general, in a BDSM gathering setting, and do it very well

There are many skills that you might acquire in your life - you might be a fantastic web designer, or you might be a whiz with respect to design and decoration. These are great skills to have, but perhaps not applicable when at a play party or at an event where you might be able to demonstrate your abilities. You may find a Top/Master/Mistress/sub/bottom who could use your skills in these areas, but for general events and gatherings of leatherfolk and BDSM folk, you might want to consider something along these lines:

- Massage - hand, foot, shoulders, possibly even back

- Tray service - fetch drinks and food

- Porter - carry toy bags and gear, load and unload

- Able assistant - provide mobility assistance if required

- Aftercare specialist - provide aftercare to Tops or bottoms

- Catering or food prep - assist with laying out a spread, or preparing a menu of delights

- Clean up - of the play space in general, of equipment after use

2. Take pride in your appearance and what you do

If you plan on offering service, ensure you are clean and well groomed, either scent free or lightly scented. You can be as extreme in your appearance as you choose - a full tuxedo and white gloves - or as minimal as you choose - naked. Show decorum and composure - it is not the time to be vulgar, overtly sexual, or jocular - be polite and demure. You are creating a fantasy, something special - use your imagination and have fun. If all you can offer is a pair of boxer shorts and a tie - great - just don't wear the afternoon sitting on the couch boxers, and the tie your grandfather was waked in.

When you perform a task, do so efficiently, without much fuss, with focus and attention, and to the best of your abilities. If you only feel like giving 50%, save everyone the disappointment and stay home. If you have committed to service, you need to bring the best of you - you need to give your best effort. That's not to say you can't socialize, perhaps even play, but if you have committed your service for a fixed amount of time, then carry through with your promise and demonstrate your sense of pride and responsibility.

3. Always seek to improve your skills, or to acquire new skills

Education is a key component to giving good service - the more you know, the more knowledge you have about a subject matter or ability, the better your skill in that area. You should also be seeking to expand the breadth of your skill set - you never know when a skill might come in handy. You should focus first and foremost on your primary skill set, then seek to expand your secondary and tertiary sets of skills.

This could be a simple as researching the web for articles, watching YouTube videos, taking an online course, taking a BDSM workshop, reading a book, or even approaching a friend or colleague who appears to excel in a certain area.

Take an afternoon and search for videos on butler skills, or perhaps watch a video on how to prepare a certain recipe - then practice these skills on your own. If nothing else, your loved ones will appreciate your efforts even before you are ready for prime time - so to speak.

4. See to your needs, take care of you first

If you are planning to offer service, you need to ensure your needs are met. Are you feeling well? Have you eaten? Are you in a good state emotionally? Are you well hydrated and comfortable?

When offering service to others, you are offering the best of you. If you are tired and need a rest, do not hesitate to politely inform the person making the request that you need to take a break, but that you shall attend to them as soon as you are refreshed.

You need to communicate your needs and ensure you are in the best form of you before you can see to the needs of others. You know how you are advised to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others with their mask in case of an issue during a plane flight? It is the same situation here - see to you before you see to others.

5. Be of service to all

You have the right to accept or decline a request for service, but I would caution that your veto should be used sparingly. Service is respectful, selfless, and should be made available to all regardless of status or title. Service should not be limited to Tops, or to only who you deem to be physically attractive individuals. Your service should not be offered with the expectation for reward. Chances are your efforts will be appreciated, perhaps even praised, but don't go looking for this - otherwise, it just cheapens your efforts. If you offer service with the "what's in it for me?" mentality, perhaps service is not a skill you should seek to cultivate.

If asked if you would like anything in return, feel free to prevail upon this opportunity. If someone is talented in the use of floggers, and you love being flogged, by all means, you may politely request a flogging should they be so inclined.

Above all, relax and enjoy. At the end of the day, you should feel pleased with the job you have done, and even if it isn't spoken, those around you do appreciate your efforts.

Service Submission Series: Why Serve?

If you asked a thousand service submissives what it means to serve and what they 'get' from serving, you will undoubtedly receive a thousand answers, which may or may not resemble each other.  Service, in the BDSM context, is different for everyone.  For myself, I visualize it as a position, role, station, vocation, that is very nearly the right hand of the Top, Dom(me), Sir, Ma'am, Mommy, or Daddy, that you are serving.  It is being useful, being helpful, perhaps providing a little fantasy, a little pampering.  Most of all, it is giving without the expectation of reward.

It sounds very one-sided doesn't it?  Doing for someone and not getting anything in return - sounds like an uneven equation.  Have you ever made someone a meal, and at some point they look up at you with a look of wonder, gratitude, appreciation, and perhaps even a little admiration?  Seeing that look, feeling the pride that it stirs within you - what an instant rush!  Knowing that you used your skills, your knowledge, your experience to make someone happy - okay, it's not a new car, but it is a fantastic feeling.  There is something deep in me, hard-wired, that desires to engage in a power exchange where the Dominant partner receives my actions - a massage, being waited upon, having a meal prepared, being escorted around town.  In return, I feel pride, a sense of accomplishment, I enjoy the approval and appreciation of the one I am serving.  Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate a skillful spanking, but when I offer service, it is not done with the intention that at the end of the night, or time of service, I will get my reward.  Serving provides many rewards if you are open to these rewards.

For me, it is not sexual, it is not being a masochist - that figures into another side of my submission - it is being of use - of engaging with someone who is willing to take up the reins, who is willing to accept the gifts that I offer - and more importantly, they like the gifts I have to offer.

What Are the Characteristics of a Service Submissive?

I would say the main characteristics of an efficient and proficient service submissive would be the following:

• Desire
• Invisibility
• Dependability
• Interest
• Discretion

Desire - Most importantly, there must be the desire to serve - this is either innate in an individual, or not.  For some, they may offer service for an evening, for a session, for a weekend, but it is not part of his/her core.  I'm sure there are more submissives out there who innately have a desire to serve than not, but just aren't certain how to express this desire.

For myself, I take on the role of a butler, chef, body-servant, and chauffeur - a domestic.  I'm not a maid, and I definitely don't do housework - though if I were in a committed power exchange relationship, and this was asked of me, I would of course honour such a request - I just might not like it.

I take on such tasks as preparing meals, setting a table (formal or informally), ironing clothing, organizing, running errands, some light household repairs and fixes, serving a meal, attending a Top at an event (ensure they have a drink, perhaps something to eat, their toys are at the ready, the stations they wish to use are cleaned after or perhaps even before), preparing a bath or perhaps even bathing the Dominant, assisting with dressing and attire, polishing shoes, massage and pampering - and the list could go on.

I offer these services because I can do them - through a combination of knowledge and experience, and I know I can do them well.

Invisibility - Probably the greatest skill a service submissive can have is to be invisible.  At a leather or BDSM gathering, to effortlessly and without much fuss, to skirt around the event or happening to perform tasks without notice or attention, to be a ghost - but a productive and useful one.  

Even in a private setting, where it may be just you and the Dominant or individual you are serving, it is possible to be silent, proactive and attentive, and allow the individual on the other side of the power exchange to slip into the fantasy you have created.

Dependability - As with other social situations, your word should be your bond.  If you commit to service to an individual, or even a group, for a fixed amount of time, you should carry through with that commitment or promise.  If you make a promise to be at a certain place at a certain time, realize the other person or group is depending on you to be there.

It is ill advised when negotiating service, to make commitments that are either outside your scope of interest, or outside of your scope of expertise, knowledge, and experience.  I spoke with a Domme friend once, who told me the story of being attended to by a submissive at a BDSM establishment.  The submissive had laid down the protocols he would follow, such as eating only after she had been served and begun to eat, following her and being in view just over her shoulder, carrying her equipment for her etc.  Apparently, he failed on just about every protocol and promise he made.

The moral being, if you can't follow through with a promise or protocol, communicate this ahead of time.  Remember, it is not just your enjoyment and happiness that is being affected here.

Interest - Interest is huge with respect to being a service submissive.  Many tasks that are taken on by service submissives can be very mundane - washing dishes, vacuuming, polishing silverware, cleaning, being a chauffeur etc.  Ordinarily, no one really gets any pleasure or enjoyment from washing the dishes - unless you have some sort of obsessive-compulsive bent, which actually might be a bonus and benefit to you if you are interested in service - but to know that you are performing this task for your Domme, Master, Daddy, client, then the task becomes something special.

Also, it is of benefit for a service submissive to always seek to improve his/her skill set.  You may know the importance of separating colours and whites when attacking a mountain of laundry, but do you know how to remove a grease stain from linen?  You may set a table with the fork on the left and the knife on the right, but what might be the difference with an American place setting versus a European place setting?  It may be that you will never be asked to serve at an event where a formal American place setting will be of use, but you never know, and it is this little extra bit of knowledge that might make your service more desireable and interesting than the next submissive's gifts.

Discretion - Leaving the best for last, the characteristic of discretion.  It can not be stressed enough, if one is welcomed into the inner sanctum of any Top - a bedroom, a home, a family setting - anywhere that is space occupied by the Top or power exchange partner you might be serving at that moment, such a welcome must be honoured with discretion.  Unless local laws are broken, all that is seen, heard, read, viewed, should be kept private and confidential.  Even if you are witness to the most amazing power exchange you have ever participated in, do not speak of it - not even to trusted friends. 
 
As as domestic service submissive, it is possible that you might be asked to handle very private situations - balancing the household budget, paying the bills, assisting in the entertainment of guests - and these situations require trust.  In the realm of BDSM, your reputation and whether or not you are trustworthy are your best credentials, they are your personal credit rating.  Certainly, you may be very skilled, but if you can not keep a confidence, your knowledge and experience is not worth the risk of having your loose lips present.

While there are many different types of service submissives, the examples I have listed pertain mostly to domestic service submissives.  That being said, the characteristics and qualities I have listed would be of benefit to anyone wishing to perform some sort of service.

Everyone serves for his or her own reasons, and I challenge you to discover your reasons.  Good luck!